


Identity Crisis

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Loki, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so the situation wasn't great. Loki was in Stark Tower. Loki held most of the cards, but Tony still had hope. They could come out of this, he was... 80% sure. But he hadn't been betting on two new players who came in brandishing candy and claiming Loki wasn't Loki at all, but really some kind of archangel. Of all the strange things...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Identity Crisis

"Stalling me won't change anything," said Loki, looking at Tony smugly. Yeah, he thought he'd won. Perhaps he had. But Tony still had full confidence in their team of misfits.

Well, okay, perhaps 80% confidence. But it was still pretty high, and even if he thought they were going to lose, if there's one thing Tony Stark's good at it's being a cocky, arrogant bastard.

"No, no, no! Threatening," he insisted. "No drink? You sure? I'm having one."

"The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?" asked Loki. If he had been human, Tony was fairly certain he'd be rolling his eyes.

"The Avengers," he said quickly, shrugging. "It's what we call ourselves, sort of like a team. 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes' type of thing."

"Yes, I've met them."

"Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one." Boy was that true. They'd spent their entire time together simply arguing and fighting amongst themselves. "But, let's do a head count here. Your brother, the demigod; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them."

Tony used Loki's distraction to slip on the very manly cuff (which was _so_ not a bracelet) that his suit would be able to home on to.

"That was the plan," smirked the psychotic demigod.

"Not a great plan. When they come, and they will, they'll come for you," Tony assured him.

"I have an army," growled Loki.

"We have a Hulk," Tony growled back.

"And I've got a nice big bag of Starburst I'm willing to donate as a peace offering," said an oddly happy voice.

Both Loki and Tony snapped their heads around to the door where two men were standing. The shorter one, who standing slightly in front of the other, was clearly the one who had spoken because he was waving a bright yellow packet in the air.

"How the hell did you get in my tower?" asked Tony. "I really gotta talk to Pepper about these security breaches-"

"Who are you?" demanded Loki, cutting Tony off.

"Oh yeah, like you don't know," said the man. "Come on _Loki_ , you seriously can't have forgotten us that easily."

"Especially after you went to all that trouble pretending you were dead right in front of us and all," added the taller of the two.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Loki, pointing his sceptre at them menacingly. "And if you do not leave us right now-"

"Aw, come on," said the blonde man, waving the Starburst around again. "You know you want it, really. We know you haven't been eating as much candy as a new level of witness protection. But all you have to do is put everything back to normal, and we'll let you have this. It wouldn't be suspicious at all."

"I still don't-"

"How about we give this to you now, call it a down payment. Then, if you put everything back the way it is supposed to be and leave the poor traumatised citizens of New York alone, we'll give you all the lollipops you could eat. Or lick."

"I don't think that's physically possible," said Loki, now acting as if Tony wasn't even in the room and eying up the bag of candy. "But I suppose you could give it your best shot. Although you'd also have to add in some Mars Bars."

"Deal," said the man. "Catch."

With that, he threw the Starburst packet at Loki who in his surprise dropped the sceptre so he could catch the candy. Tony lunged and grabbed the sceptre, then backed off into the corner of the room.

"Damn it," cursed Loki. Then he glared at the strangers. "You boys are so going to regret this."

"How?" asked the taller man. "You no longer have your sceptre, and if you start channeling your powers without it-"

"Raphael will find you," finished the other. "So, it's your choice. Call this whole thing off or…"

"Actually, it isn't his choice," interrupted Tony. "I have the sceptre now, so I think I'll be going up and using it to close the portal and then I'll be taking Loki here back to SHEILD. Thor will want to deal with him."

"I don't think so," said blonde guy, stepping towards Tony. "See, we're the ones who stopped him."

"With candy," said Tony, disbelievingly.

"Quite the contrary, as I am not stopped yet," growled Loki. "How do you know that I'm not going to use the souls of the Chitauri to destroy Raphael, hmm? That I was going to help your dear friend Castiel? Why didn't you think of that, _Dean_?"

"Because you'd have a hard time using the souls of creatures that don't exist," said the shorter dude whose name was obviously Dean.

"Um, I think I'm confused," said Tony, slightly raising the hand not holding on to the sceptre. "It's an odd feeling, doesn't happen to me very often. I don't like it. Would one of you fine fellows care to explain? And then get out of my tower?"

"This is not Loki," started Dean, but he was interrupted by the other man.

"No, that's wrong. This is Loki, but he didn't start out as Loki. He's actually Gabriel, the archangel from Judeo-Christian belief. He only pretends to be Loki sometimes when he goes into 'witness protection'."

"Which is basically code for he's a wimp and is trying to hide from his big brother," added Dean. "You can't leave out any of the juicy details, Sammy."

"Now that was uncalled for," hissed Loki. Or was he Gabriel?

"What's with the new meat-suit, anyway?" asked 'Sammy'. "What was wrong with the old one?"

"Left it behind," said Loki/Gabriel, shrugging. "Lucifer is smarter than you knuckleheads, he needed an actual physical body to be left behind for him to believe that I was dead. This is my old vessel's cousin, or something. Found him in a library in Mississippi."

"Whoa, Lucifer?" asked Tony, "As in the Devil? Satan?"

"Yes, can't you keep up?" asked Dean. "I thought Tony Stark was supposed to be a genius. Like even more genius than you, Sam. I mean, you used to gush about him when you were eight."

"No, that was you," said Sam, rolling his eyes. "You used to say that you wished you were as good a mechanic as him, but that you hated his taste in cars."

"Wow, you guys sure know how to kick a guy where it hurts," said Tony, putting a hand over his heart.

"Winchester specialty," shrugged Loki/Gabriel, opening his Starburst.

"You got that right," said Dean, smirking as he pulled out a small device. Tony stepped a little closer so he could see it, and when he did he quickly stumbled back again.

That was a detonator.

"Now, listen up Gabriel," said Sam lowly, "We have strategically placed bombs in every factory that produces Starburst, Skittles and m&ms in the world. Just one push of this button and they would go out of business for an awfully long time."

"That's impossible," gasped Gabriel. "You couldn't have possibly-"

"You know what? You're absolutely right," said Dean. "The two of us couldn't have done this in such a short amount of time, it's simply impossible. Castiel, on the other hand…"

"Castiel is too busy with Raphael to care about a couple of measly humans," countered the trickster.

"Now that's where you're wrong," said Dean. "Cas might be busy, but he still cares about us down here. Do you know the reason why he's fighting Raphael? It isn't because he wants the power – no, he's trying to prevent the Apocalypse from starting all over again. But do you really think that he wouldn't try to save all the millions of people living in New York? Or the billions more that would be affected after New York fell?"

"Hang on," said Tony, butting in again, "You can't blow up all those factories, then _more_ people will die-"

"Don't worry," said Sam quickly, "It really isn't that hard for an angel to set off a fire alarm."

"You clearly didn't do your research this time, boys," said Gabriel. "If you did, you would know-"

"That you're really not planning on destroying New York because this is all really one big illusion?" asked Dean.

"Well-"

"And that the only person you're actually targeting is Tony Stark?" Dean continued.

"But-"

"Because you already got your 'justice' on Thor about a year ago," added Sam.

"Fine," exclaimed Gabriel, "So you _have_ done your research. But now that you know I'm only targeting-"

"And why, exactly, are you only targeting me?" asked Tony. "How did you guys come up with that, anyway? And why go to all the effort? I mean, I know that I am _worth_ more effort than anyone else, but is pranking the whole world really necessary?"

"Loki's a trickster," said Sam, sparing Tony a glance. "He only goes after dicks. It's fairly obvious he's been focusing on the Avengers – yes, we know all about that – and out of you lot, who is the biggest dick? You know, since Thor straightened out?"

"Now that was harsh," said Tony.

"Plus, it's pretty clear that because you have such a high opinion of yourself you wouldn't believe anything smaller than an invasion of Earth," added Dean.

"Remind you of someone?" asked Sam lightly.

"Bitch," muttered Dean after a pause.

"Jerk," Sam shot back.

"But back to business," said Dean, turning back to Gabriel, "Just because you're only after Tony rather than the whole of New York doesn't mean we won't tell Castiel to not blow stuff up. Despite his flaws and being the world's biggest asshole, he does do a good job at stopping terrorists, even if they are mostly people who're using technology he came up with in the first place."

"It's nice to feel appreciated," said Tony dryly.

"Oh fine," sighed Gabriel. "Okay. You've got me. I'll put everything back to normal."

"Including the poor guy whose eye you ripped out?"

"But he was a total-"

"Gabriel…"

"Whatever."

"Thank you," said Sam, his voice holding a sarcastic undertone. "That's much appreciated. We really didn't want to have to blow up any factories."

"I can't believe you got Cas to go to the m&m factory," growled Dean, "I love m&ms! I thought we'd agreed on the _Smarties_ factory!"

"But m&ms are so bad for your figure," teased Sam.

"Shut up."

"So Gabriel, if you could kindly…"

Gabriel rolled his eyes, then snapped his fingers.

"And I suppose you'll be wanting me to go with you to face the wrath of either Raphael or my little brother?" asked Gabriel.

"I thought Thor was your _older_ brother?" asked Tony.

"Don't you pay any attention at all?" groaned Gabriel. "I was _adopted_ into that family. Odin didn't even like me."

"Yeah, bet he likes you even less since your actual big brother killed him," snorted Dean.

"Every family has a black sheep," said Gabriel, "Except for the Hitler family. They had more of a… black tyrannosaurus rex."

"Oh man, _please_ don't tell me you've been watching Jurassic Park," groaned Dean, "Because I have a feeling that would end badly for _everyone._ "

Gabriel shook his head in what looked like exasperation.

Then a guy wearing a trench coat suddenly appeared in the room.

Tony had a feeling that he really shouldn't have had that drink. Who knows what Loki had put into it before he'd shown up?

"Is it done?" asked the guy.

Tony meant to ask ' _Who the hell are you,'_ but the sudden appearance of the guy and stress of the whole situation caused his words to get muddled and the ' _who_ ' turned into a ' _what_.' Oh well. This was not a time to worry about rudeness.

"I am an Angel of the Lord," stated the man gravely, leaving Tony slightly stunned. He would not have believed it, but the guy did just teleport with the sound of flapping wings, of all things. Plus, apparently Loki/Gabriel was an angel too.

"Castiel," said Gabriel, opening his arms, "What a pleasure. Or, not, seeing as I hear you played a big part in getting me to stop my plan."

"You should not have tried to harm this human," said Castiel, the _angel_.

"Yeah, whatever," said Gabriel. "You lot have really made a problem for me though, you know. Now I have to find _another_ way of putting myself in witness protection, especially since I just negated all those illusions without the use of the sceptre-"

"Then you should have kept your head down," said Dean. "We'll let you go this time as thanks for saving our asses back in that damned motel-"

"I did, rather, didn't I?" said Gabriel. "But let's remember – how many times have you tried to kill me? Two? Three? Four? And yet, here I am. So I don't think it's a case of _letting_ me go, and more a case of me… going."

And then he was gone.

"Son of a bitch," yelled Dean, kicking a chair.

"Hey, watch it, buddy," said Tony, recovering from the sceptre suddenly disappearing from his hands. "I don't care that you just fought our battle for us-"

"Yes you do," interrupted Sam.

"But you are still an intruder in my tower, and I am going to-"

"We just saved your life, ' _buddy,'"_ said Dean.

"Actually," interrupted Castiel, "Gabriel was simply going to make him realise that the only way to win would be to-"

"Shut it, Cas," snapped Dean.

"It doesn't matter, you let him get away!" exclaimed Tony.

"Did you see any 'letting' going on?" asked Dean, turning to Sam. "Did we _let_ him get away?"

"Didn't seem like it to me," said Sam.

Tony snapped.

"JARVIS!" he called, "Deploy the suit!"

"I believe it would be wise to retreat," said Castiel.

"I think you might be right," said Sam. "I've heard stories-"

"Aw, come on, we can take him," said Dean, "I mean, he can't be harder than Lucifer-"

"And you never did 'take' Lucifer, if you remember," said Castiel.

"Let's just go," said Sam.

Dean seemed like he was about to protest, but Castiel reached out and placed two fingers on each of the men's temples. Then all three of them disappeared.

 _Then_ the Iron Man suit shot out of the wall and encased Tony.

"Great timing, JARVIS," he said to the ceiling. "Really great. Did you notice that they left?"

"I did not notice any of the doors or windows opening, closing or breaking. Same for the walls, sir," said JARVIS.

"Great. JARVIS, look up Sam and Dean Winchester, would you?" he asked, moving over to the screens in the corner of the room. When the information showed, his eyes widened.

"Sir, I have an incoming call from Director Fury."

"Put him through," he said distractedly.

"Stark, we have a situation."

"I might have realised that."

"The Teseract has completely powered down to nothing, Dr. Erik Selvig has come back into his own mind and stopped building the portal – it's like the Chitauri never existed, and are never coming. The rest of the population, including our witnesses from Germany, don't even remember what happened. None of the other members of the team know how this happened, and Thor's just as confused as we are. Please tell me _you_ know something!"

"A serial killer and rapist, as well as his brain-washed brother and an angel just appeared in my penthouse and fended Loki off with a bag of Starburst," said Tony, sounding dazed.

"A serial – Stark, what's going on?"

"Didn't I just tell you?"

"How much have you had to drink? We are – were – in the middle of a war. Now, Rogers tells me you thought Loki was headed for your tower, was he there?"

"I think I need to work on deflecting teleportation beams," muttered Tony. "Or maybe I should line the walls with sugar? Candy seems to be the answer…"

"Stay where you are, Stark," said Fury, sounding very worried. "I'm sending Agent Romanoff."


End file.
